


Music Make Him Feel, and Music Makes Him Calm

by emo_and_confused



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sensory Overload, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, TommyInnit Has ADHD (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Needs a Break (Video Blogging RPF), Traumatized Toby Smith | Tubbo, Traumatized Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF), YES IT IS BOTH, current plot isnt giving me any hopeful vibes for writing yknow, implied panic attacks, it be what it be, its implied okay, theres a lot of comfort and then just a bunch of angst without a comforting resolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29897790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emo_and_confused/pseuds/emo_and_confused
Summary: He's always had his discs. They've always been there for him; even when he didn't have The Discs, he had the others. They calm him, and they make him happy. He plays them when overwhelmed, and he plays them during losses and during wins. They've always been there, until they're not.{OR}Five Times Tommy Played a Disc to Calm Down and The One Time He Couldn’t
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Darryl Noveschosch (BadBoyHalo) & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	Music Make Him Feel, and Music Makes Him Calm

**Author's Note:**

> "How is it that music can, without words, evoke our laughter, our fears, our highest aspirations?". - Jane Swan.

1: Mellohi.

Tommy stood next to the bench, a smile wide on his face as he looked at Tubbo and slipped a disc into the jukebox. Not just any disc though. One of _The Discs_ . _Mellohi_ , to be specific. The music started playing and Tommy took his spot next to Tubbo, facing forward and waiting for the sun to set.

If he was being honest, he was a little overwhelmed. He had just fought what was technically a war. The taunting and the stealing and the battles with Dream that had taken place were finally over. No more battles, because the war was won. Dream couldn’t taunt them with _Mellohi_ or _Cat_ or with fake discs anymore, because they had the real ones. Dream couldn’t take them back, because they weren’t going to give him the chance to steal them. Not again.

However, while Tommy knew the discs were safe and the war— if it could be called a war— was over, he could still feel his mind racing.

He wasn’t panicked, or sad, or angry. He was happy because he had his discs and he was with Tubbo. But his heart was still beating a little faster than average and his hands were a little more shaky than normal.

Tubbo grabbed his hand and rested their intertwined fingers on his knee. Support. Tommy turned to Tubbo and Tubbo turned to Tommy. They smiled; so wide, so bright. Tommy’s ears tune back to the music playing, and his breathing evened out. 

They won, they were happy, they had their discs. Things were okay. Things were great.

Tommy’s heart calmed, and he looked back at the view off the cliff’s edge. The sun was setting, the colours painting the sky. _Mellohi_ continued to play, and Tubbo didn’t let go of Tommy’s hand. They didn’t stop smiling, and stayed at the bench much after the music ended and the sun had set. They relaxed into the wooden bench, closing their eyes as they listened to the disc’s melody.

 _Mellohi_ was repeated four times before they went home, their recent victory in their minds. 

* * *

2: Wait.

Tommy sat stiffly on the bench, listening as the tune of _Wait_ filled the air. Tubbo was next to him, and was only a little more relaxed than him. They lost the discs. Tommy lost one of them and gave up the other to get L’manburg’s independence. Dream has their discs again.

The feeling was bittersweet. They had their country, their freedom, but their discs were lost. _Wait_ was a nice disc, but it wasn’t one of The Discs.

Tommy looked at Tubbo, guilt ridden. 

“Tubbo-,” Tommy started, but the brunette cut him off.

“No. You did what you had to.”

Tubbo’s voice was kind, and Tommy’s heart stuttered a little. Tubbo sounded genuine, like he didn’t blame Tommy for losing the duel and losing _Mellohi_ . Like he didn’t blame Tommy for making a deal and giving away _Cat_ for L’manburg’s independence. Maybe he really didn’t blame Tommy.

Tommy’s eyes shut involuntarily, his mind still trying to catch up on everything. Tubbo lost his first life, and so did Tommy. To Sapnap and to Dream. _“Down with the revolution boys, it was never meant to be.”_ Eret.. they weren’t expecting that betrayal.

Tommy lost his second life as well. To Dream again, in the duel. An arrow through the forehead. 

Tommy doesn’t particularly enjoy respawn.

Tommy chooses to listen to the disc that is playing, and opens his eyes to see the sunset. The sun is only just visible over the horizon, the pinks and yellows of the sunset leaving as the sun does, only dark blues and stars remaining in its absence. 

His hands stop shaking, and he leans his head on Tubbo’s shoulder, despite the height difference. Tubbo nonchalantly lifts his arm and rests it around Tommy.

Both of them are tired. Both of them have gone through more than they should’ve. But it’ll be okay. They have L’manburg now, they have freedom. Maybe they’ll get the discs back in the future, but for now, they’re okay with what they have.

* * *

3: Blocks.

“Dream, can you leave?” Tommy sighs.

“Can we please just listen to this tune?” Tubbo adds.

Tommy opens his ender chest to grab a disc, and stops, looking back at Dream. “You know what, how about you listen with us?”

Tubbo nods, “Yeah, but take off your armor.”

“I’ll listen but I’m not going to take off all my armor,” Dream says, and Tommy clenches his fist a little.

“Well, that makes me feel like you’re going to steal it.”

“I won’t.”

Tommy and Tubbo stay quiet for a moment, before reluctantly obliging. It’ll be fine. The tightness in Tommy’s chest that had been there since the battle had ended grew a little. He didn’t want to think about all that had happened.

The three of them walk over to the bench, and Tommy looks at them for a moment. 

Tubbo is.. Tubbo. He’s the president now. But he’s still Tommy’s best friend. Wilbur is dead, but Tubbo is still here. Techno betrayed them, but Tubbo is still here. Tommy hopes he always will be.

Dream is a different situation. He fought Dream and he fought with Dream. He and Dream never had the best relationship, but Tommy’d like to think they were friends, to a degree. Tommy and Tubbo were inviting them to sit at the bench and listen to a disc. That was a big deal.

Tommy puts _Blocks_ into the jukebox. The disc he listened to with Schlatt when he joined the server. And now he was gone. He was dead. He had a heart attack with alcohol in his system and surrounded by enemies. 

He was listening to _Blocks_. He was sure it was symbolic in some way.

“This is the start, Tommy,” Dream said, getting his attention away from the sunset and towards him. “It may feel like the end, but this is literally just the beginning.”

“This is like, a beginning of a new era,” Tubbo added.

They weren’t wrong. Schlatt is dead, and so is Wilbur, and so is L’manburg. But L’manburg could be rebuilt. L’manburg isn’t about the land, it’s about the community. About the people. Schlatt wasn’t coming back, and Tommy was grateful. Wilbur wasn’t coming back, and Tommy didn’t know what to do with that. But L’manburg could be fixed. Never the same, but it will still be a home.

Tommy looked back at the view, and the sky was dark. Looking towards Dream, Tommy smiled a little. “Admit it, this is pretty cool.” Dream huffed, and the blonde swore he heard amusement in the tone. Everyone was around them, but Tommy was only focused on Dream, Tubbo, and the music.

The music. Tommy closed his eyes and got lost in the tune. The melody. It calmed his heart, and his fists finally uncurled from themselves. He opened his eyes and sighed, turning to Tubbo with a light hearted expression. 

“Your L’manburg. You’re the president now, my friend.” 

Tubbo smiled, and so did Tommy.

* * *

4: Chirp.

Tommy stood in front of the jukebox,the first thing he had made with the diamonds he acquired from the gifted chest. BBH had given him a disc, too. He put the disc in, and sighed. Bad was asking where he got the jukebox, but Tommy just smiled a little. He was sad, he felt he was allowed to be a little mysterious.

He sat in front of the jukebox within the giant gift-box-shaped room made of clay. He put the disc in, and rested his forehead against the top of the music player. _Chirp_ filled the air. He only allowed himself to revel in the show of vulnerability because he could hear BBH fighting a skeleton outside, away from the opening in the room.

God, he was tired. He hadn’t listened to a disc in what felt like forever. Dream continuously burned his things, and he wasn’t sure trying to get a disc or diamonds for a jukebox was worth it. And here came Bad, with gifts of exactly what he needed. He knows he’ll have to hide it.

Bad came back to the opening in the clay, and Tommy sat up straighter, saying the first thing that comes to mind. 

“This song reminds me of death,” he said, and that wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Really?” Bad sounds confused, but definitely a little bit amused. 

“Like space, like space girls. Like a space woman. An astronaut, a female astronaut.” Clara, Tommy decides, is her name. Clara from the stars.

He lets himself listen to the disc a little more, before realizing the connotation the gifts have. This is pity. He tells Bad as much, and the conversation ignites his anger.

Fire is set and he threatens to burn the gifts. It’s all pity. Bad says they’re gifts but Bad also pities him, so they’re pity gifts. Right?

Just as quickly as his anger had ignited, it was blown out. He knows the gifts are pity, he knows Bad is standing here, on his stupid little makeshift-home out of pity, but it's also all he has. He couldn't risk burning the only thing that had brought him joy since he had been thrown into exile.

So when he almost burns the items, he’s stopped. He stops himself at Bad's request. He’s even more thankful that he stopped when he realizes the disc is still playing. 

His mind focuses on _Chirp_ again, and he’s calmed down. Hope.. hope for the future settles in him. Maybe things will be okay. 

“Bad, thank you,” he says, and it’s sincere. 

He stays silent as the disc ends, and he makes sure to move it to his chest in the dirt hut. He’ll hide it later, when Dream shows up.

* * *

5: Cat.

Tommy was a bit dazed when he slipped _Cat_ into the jukebox, sitting next to Tubbo on the bench. It was already dark out, the sun having set an unknown amount of time ago. But this was important. They had the discs back. They had them back for good. Dream couldn’t take them away again.

“We did it,” Tommy said, disbelief in his tone.

“Just imagine the sun’s setting,” Tubbo joked.

There was a lot they hadn’t talked about. About the exile, about the pillar at Logsted, about Tommy’s temporary stay at Techno’s. About Tommy’s initial acceptance to losing, about Tubbo’s seemingly sudden acceptance to death. But that could wait.

Tommy laughed, still not believing what happened and so genuinely relieved.

“This is.. this is surreal,” Tubbo said, looking at him with a smile. “This really is.”

“I never thought we’d.. we have both the discs! We did it..,” another laugh escaped Tommy.

“And Dream has nothing!” Tubbo cheered.

“And nothing bad will happen now.”

Tommy knows this isn’t completely true. He knows if he thinks about it long enough, that he’ll have to acknowledge Dream and exile and his mental state. But those thoughts are confusing and overwhelming so he chooses to listen to _Cat_ instead.

He grins. “Dream’s going to get locked up, and we don’t even have to think about Wilbur, because he’s dead. We don’t have to think about any of this anymore. We won.” 

Tubbo smiles with him. “It’s crazy.”

“And you’re not dead.”

Tommy stills at the sound of the both familiar and unfamiliar voice. Wilbur. It had to be Wilbur. Sure, he was dead, but Tommy would recognizes that gravely yet smooth tone anywhere. The smile dropped from his face.

That was Wilbur's voice. Wilbur’s voice from nowhere. Wilbur’s voice from the beyond. From the Afterlife. It’s not Ghostbur’s voice, it’s Wil’s.

All feelings of victory froze with a feeling akin to fear. He ignores sound of his too-loud heartbeat that he's sure can be heard from meters away. 

Tommy talks to him, and only freaks out a little. He inconspicuously resets the disc and lets it play again. He talks to Wilbur and shudders when he says he doesn’t want to be revived. 

He and Tubbo make eye contact. They’ll.. they’ll figure it out later. 

He and Wilbur start arguing, and it’s a lot easier to ignore the unease that blooms in his chest. He can ignore the overwhelming sense of dread for the future. Things have to be okay, because he has the discs again and Dream is going to be locked up; Wilbur be damned. 

_“I’m proud of you, Tommy. I’m proud of you. See you soon.”_

Tommy laughs slightly hysterically when Wilbur’s voice vanishes, the cold air that had settled over the boys leaving with him. 

So Wilbur doesn’t want to be resurrected. That’s okay. Tommy doesn’t know if it’s a surprise or not that he doesn’t particularly mind not having Wilbur bad. 

“Fuck,” Tommy says, and Tubbo hesitantly laughs as well. 

They have a lot to talk about, but that can wait. Tommy listens to _Cat_ , and decides that maybe, just maybe, things might really end up okay.

* * *

+1: ...

Tommy held his head in his hands. He sat next to the lava wall, knees pulled to his chest. Dream was on the other side of the cell, writing in one of the books provided.

Everything was loud. And bright. And too much. He’s been overwhelmed and overstimulated and overloaded with sensory input since he’s been resurrected.

Another threatening and bell-like sound rings and Tommy flinches.

He doesn’t want to be here.

But there’s no way out. There’s nothing he can to do put him in a better position.

If he kills himself, he goes back to the Afterlife, to the void. To Wilbur. He shudders. He doesn’t want to go back to Wilbur.

If he kills Dream, he’s stuck in the prison cell alone. Everyone thinks he’s dead, and that Dream killed him. Granted, Dream _did_ kill him, but they didn’t know he wasn’t dead anymore. No one would come to check on him. And Sam wasn’t happy with Dream. Sam wouldn’t come to check on Dream for a while. Tommy would be alone. He shakes his head to himself. He doesn’t want to be alone.

So, he’s stuck in the cell with Dream. Which still isn’t a good thing. Because Dream had hurt him. He had gone to war with Dream, fighting Dream. He had been abused and manipulated by Dream. He had been thrice killed by Dream. And now he was stuck in a small obsidian box with Dream.

He doesn’t want to be in this situation.

He wants a disc. He wants music. He wants _Cat_ or _Mellohi_. He wants _Chirp_ or _Blocks_. He’ll even take _Wait_.

Music calms him. It helps keep him grounded.

He doesn’t have access to his discs in the prison. He didn’t have access to his discs while dead.

He hears the scratching of the quill Dream is using pause. 

“Tommy?” He hears Dream’s voice.

And Tommy cries.

**Author's Note:**

> Advice? Critique? Validation?
> 
> Drink water, or something. Go be healthy,,,,
> 
> Tumblr: emo-and-confused


End file.
